My little boy (W*), who’s 8, has recently adjusted to the arrival of our new young person, aged 12. When we discussed her moving in, his only concern was that there were two pairs of goggles for swimming. He also found a spare teddy bear for her bed to welcome her.
After only 3 weeks, when in a shop, he asked for a biscuit and said ‘and one for my sister…’
We were all a little self conscious that our young person would be watching, seeing it as odd or different when we showed lots of affection and gave hugs and kisses to W*. Compared to what she had known – bedtime stories, hugs before school, hugs after school and saying I love you was obviously strange.
W* would often hug our young person and say I love you but never got a response.
Completely innocently one morning W* asked “Did your old family not kiss you or love you?” You could hear the world stop as she stared at me wondering what to say. W* however filled the gap and said “Do not worry, my family will!”
We laughed and that night our young person put her arm out and said ‘So don’t leave me hanging!’ and we had a hug. She then asked if I’d dry her hair for the first time in a month.
He knocks on her bedroom door and asks ‘Are you ok?’ and gives her a hug which makes her smile.
He knows she might not stay forever but has said he likes having 4 people in the house so we can do more fun things.
When a young person moves on, planned or unplanned, our little boy has a way of expressing his worries. When you think you’ve covered everything, W* says ‘The shampoo (they) like is still in the bathroom!’ or ‘What if (they) don’t have oranges where she is?’ Or “I think Dexter (the dog) is missing her”. This is how he makes sense of change and we can talk about why our young person moved on.
We have done W* a letter / story and some photos for moving on to capture those months for him in his memory box; helping him make sense and remember it as a positive time.
